Top 88 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

When I was a comic in the 1980s, I was on the road somewhere every day, and I'd get back to the hotel, and it was Carson and Letterman, and I looked forward to that all day.

You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that.

Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.

Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me.

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.