Erma Bombeck

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

You probably found 'How to Survive a Robot Uprising' in the humor section. Let's just hope that is where it belongs.

The 'Carousel' overture has always been one of my all-time favorite pieces of music.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.