Erma Bombeck

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

You probably found 'How to Survive a Robot Uprising' in the humor section. Let's just hope that is where it belongs.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

The 'Carousel' overture has always been one of my all-time favorite pieces of music.