Erma Bombeck

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates.

I've always been very determined, ever since I was a little girl, to make my way.