Top 66 Quotes by Elayne Boosler

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.

I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.

We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.

Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.