Top 66 Quotes by Elayne Boosler

As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.

Wouldn't it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, 'Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub.'

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.

When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star.

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.

I've never been able to write for stand-up.