I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live? Elayne Boosler basketballfindgame Change image and share on social
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Elayne Boosler doorfigurelock Change image and share on social
Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying. Elayne Boosler audiencedirecthome Change image and share on social
I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers. Elayne Boosler animaleligiblefind share on social
My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant. Elayne Boosler familyjewishobservant Change image and share on social
Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers? Elayne Boosler aidgivegreat Change image and share on social
When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star. Elayne Boosler bigbreakclub Change image and share on social
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. Elayne Boosler divorcehavemarry Change image and share on social
My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning. Elayne Boosler americabeliefbuy share on social
To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy. Elayne Boosler comedykeylisten Change image and share on social
