I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association. Demetri Martin associationbarcouncil Change image and share on social
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Demetri Martin attackbadcharade Change image and share on social
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. Demetri Martin buygoodplay Change image and share on social
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.' Demetri Martin dudefinegonna share on social
Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes. Demetri Martin bitblockbuild Change image and share on social
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie. Demetri Martin actdirectfun Change image and share on social
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. Demetri Martin ideajokelove Change image and share on social
Usually, my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it. Demetri Martin favoritejokerecently Change image and share on social
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive. Demetri Martin backseatdangerousdrink Change image and share on social
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. Demetri Martin birthdaychristmasearly Change image and share on social
