Top 83 Quotes by Dave Barry

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.