Top 83 Quotes by Dave Barry

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.