Top 83 Quotes by Dave Barry

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.