Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone. Download Download Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Rotate quotes dream eat marshmallow
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. Tommy Cooper buyshoptoday Change image and share on social
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. Tommy Cooper acidarrestbattery Change image and share on social
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' Tommy Cooper buildfirmhouse Change image and share on social
I don't eat cereal actually... Frosted Flakes... that's as close as I can get. Johnny Thunders cerealcloseeat Change image and share on social
I always dreamed of writing in an orchestral context. But when you finish a piece, you want to hear it. So we played everything with Phish. Trey Anastasio contextdreamfinish Change image and share on social
With a few exceptions, birds are not to be trusted; it is not normal to have such soft, vulnerable bodies bookended with slashing beaks and razor-sharp claws. It is as unnatural as an armed marshmallow. Mallory Ortberg armbeakbird share on social