Tommy Cooper

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I'm Bam Margera. And I feel like kicking my dad's butt all day today.

I'm such a bad shopper for myself. I love fashion and all that kind of stuff, but that's sort of the last thing I want to do when I'm done with a film is go shopping. I want to just chill.

I spend a lot of time on eBay buying vintage. I also really like Alexander Wang, Miu Miu, Vivienne Westwood, McQueen and Balmain.