So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' Tommy Cooper buildfirmhouse Change image and share on social
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.' Tommy Cooper alarmassistantblind share on social
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. Tommy Cooper buyshoptoday Change image and share on social
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience! Tommy Cooper conveniencemarriagemarry Change image and share on social
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' Tommy Cooper blokecargive Change image and share on social
So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.' Tommy Cooper bookbottomchop Change image and share on social
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' Tommy Cooper complimentdrivefine Change image and share on social
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure. Tommy Cooper indecisive Change image and share on social
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.' Tommy Cooper agebackbad Change image and share on social
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. Tommy Cooper acidarrestbattery Change image and share on social
