If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen? Steven Wright happenheadlightlight Change image and share on social
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. Steven Wright acceleratorbrakecar Change image and share on social
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. Steven Wright boxchildeventually Change image and share on social
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' Steven Wright babybeachday Change image and share on social
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey? Steven Wright millionmonkeyshakespeare Change image and share on social
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. Steven Wright paintsmallworld Change image and share on social
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. Steven Wright civilizationgodpull Change image and share on social
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. Steven Wright companygamemake Change image and share on social
Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?' Steven Wright bigbuschildhood Change image and share on social
