I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. Steven Wright glassprescriptionrun Change image and share on social
Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written. Steven Wright guyheadimprov Change image and share on social
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time. Steven Wright bankhourtime Change image and share on social
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. Steven Wright advertiseexecutivesubliminal Change image and share on social
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram. Steven Wright existfindhologram Change image and share on social
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? Steven Wright dictionarymisspellword Change image and share on social
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Steven Wright badbustlawyer Change image and share on social
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. Steven Wright paintsmallworld Change image and share on social
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. Steven Wright boxchildeventually Change image and share on social
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' Steven Wright askboatbook Change image and share on social
