I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Steven Wright badbustlawyer Change image and share on social
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. Steven Wright paintsmallworld Change image and share on social
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. Steven Wright acceleratorbrakecar Change image and share on social
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. Steven Wright boxchildeventually Change image and share on social
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey? Steven Wright millionmonkeyshakespeare Change image and share on social
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage. Steven Wright blindhathead Change image and share on social
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it. Steven Wright feelhourlaugh Change image and share on social
