Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Steven Wright catcuriositykill Change image and share on social
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage. Steven Wright blindhathead Change image and share on social
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? Steven Wright dictionarymisspellword Change image and share on social
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. Steven Wright glassprescriptionrun Change image and share on social
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time. Steven Wright bankhourtime Change image and share on social
Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written. Steven Wright guyheadimprov Change image and share on social
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram. Steven Wright existfindhologram Change image and share on social
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. Steven Wright advertiseexecutivesubliminal Change image and share on social
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Steven Wright badbustlawyer Change image and share on social
Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?' Steven Wright bigbuschildhood Change image and share on social
