If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Steven Wright barbiebuyfriend Change image and share on social
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. Steven Wright deadendlive Change image and share on social
My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time. Steven Wright secretsensestay Change image and share on social
When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction. Steven Wright bodydiefiction Change image and share on social
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. Steven Wright hotelletternight Change image and share on social
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?' Steven Wright askbordercanada Change image and share on social
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me. Steven Wright brilliantcarsoncomic Change image and share on social
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' Steven Wright babybeachday Change image and share on social
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator. Steven Wright buyclotheescalator Change image and share on social
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. Steven Wright catchdalidot Change image and share on social
