I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. Rita Rudner earfacegracefully Change image and share on social
I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money! Rita Rudner billcardcredit Change image and share on social
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third. Rita Rudner basicdancergrand Change image and share on social
Being a dancer and a singer gave me some advantage with regards to having a stage presence. I always take my timing from the audience because they are half of my act. Rita Rudner actadvantageaudience Change image and share on social
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? Rita Rudner eighteenfeltgod Change image and share on social
Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence. Rita Rudner favoritehaveindependence Change image and share on social
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. Rita Rudner beginbuycheap Change image and share on social
I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it. Rita Rudner 000auditionbroadway share on social
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner annoyfindgreat Change image and share on social
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner buyearexperience Change image and share on social