Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates.

Letters are expectation packaged in an envelope.

I've always been very determined, ever since I was a little girl, to make my way.