Paula Poundstone

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

Each day, you get an ounce more confidence. When we're playing like we are, there's no reason not to.

I'm a terrible grocery shopper. I hardly ever do it. And if I do, there's never more than three things in the bag.

It is hardly surprising that women concentrate on the way they look instead of what is in their minds since not much has been put in their minds to begin with.