Paula Poundstone

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.

I've been watching 'Game of Thrones,' and I can't wait for 'Bored to Death' to come back, it's one of my faves.

My feeling for reality TV isn't ironic, guilty, or apologetic. Reality TV is one of the few remaining modes of popular entertainment in which characterization is permitted as plot.

There is no original sin. You don't have to pay repentance to anything or anybody.