Joel McHale

If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

Once you've been booked, people in Hollywood say, 'Oh he must be good.' All the while you're the same actor.

Fame is very corrosive and you have to guard very strictly against it.

My first career ambitions involved turning into a boy; I intended to be either a railway guard or a knight errant.

I didn't want to be famous. I just wanted to earn enough money to have a nice life and enjoy acting.