Joel McHale

Once you've been booked, people in Hollywood say, 'Oh he must be good.' All the while you're the same actor.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

You have to have talent. You have to get the audition and then you have to nail the audition.

Fame is very corrosive and you have to guard very strictly against it.

My first career ambitions involved turning into a boy; I intended to be either a railway guard or a knight errant.

I didn't want to be famous. I just wanted to earn enough money to have a nice life and enjoy acting.