Joel McHale

If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

Once you've been booked, people in Hollywood say, 'Oh he must be good.' All the while you're the same actor.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

When actresses jump on the anti-Iraq bandwagon, they often combine down-home momism with an ignorance of Islamist intent which is truly awesome.

I don't like to get in front of people.

Honestly, my favorite kind of dancing is just lettin' loose. There's something great about the carefree flinging of your body to great music. It can be so joyous.