Top 132 Quotes by Joan Rivers

I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.

I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It has taken off. We are the number one show in England on E! Who knew?

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

I've always been salaried; I've never owned anything. I've done very well, lived very well.

Nobody wants to hear that you met Harry Truman... I met Harry Truman... But you know what I mean? Nobody's interested. They want to know you met Rihanna. And that kills me.

Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.