Top 132 Quotes by Joan Rivers

I was not an attractive child.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making jokes about absolutely everything.

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

You've gotta understand - when you interview someone, it's not an interrogation. It's not the Nuremberg Trials.

I'm always shocked when I get an invitation. People are always shocked when they see me at a party.

My mother loved entertaining, and I've followed suit, so we have big celebrations for New Year, Passover, Thanksgiving and birthdays.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.