Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. George Carlin dustestablishfact Change image and share on social
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. George Carlin bathroomclosedeath Change image and share on social
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. George Carlin breakconcerndetect Change image and share on social
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin conceallanguagelarge Change image and share on social
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin darkforecasttonight Change image and share on social
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin americabearfreak Change image and share on social
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin drivefastidiot Change image and share on social
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. George Carlin closeexistencefire share on social
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? George Carlin dayimpatient Change image and share on social