Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? Dennis Miller affirmcashcold Change image and share on social
The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board. Dennis Miller americanaverageboard Change image and share on social
Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again. Dennis Miller cardcaredestruction share on social
Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge. Dennis Miller bacallbrucecarrot Change image and share on social
One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech. Dennis Miller manscreechvoltaire Change image and share on social
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. Dennis Miller aidblameglobal Change image and share on social
Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand. Dennis Miller electelvishold Change image and share on social
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being. Dennis Miller badlycountrydetest Change image and share on social
The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. Dennis Miller americanbadlydirect Change image and share on social
