Top 46 Quotes by Dennis Miller

I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years.

I rant, therefore I am.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.

Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.