Whiskey will always be a part of my life. Artie Lange lifepartwhiskey Change image and share on social
You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?' Artie Lange bookgamblehey Change image and share on social
I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is. Artie Lange collegelongshoremanmeaner Change image and share on social
When you're an adult, when times are good, entire years go by in what feels like the space of one season. But the worst trick time plays on you is just how slowly the worst times in your life take you to live through. Artie Lange adultbadentire share on social
All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once you're laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what I'm saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred. Artie Lange barbigbottom share on social
Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the peak you fell from, do you truly know how small you are and understand how tall you used to be. Artie Lange ditchfallgaze share on social
And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard. Artie Lange howardmoneymovie Change image and share on social
Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative. Artie Lange conservativefinancialgod Change image and share on social
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world. Artie Lange bigbosfunny Change image and share on social
Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut. Artie Lange astronautcomedydream Change image and share on social