Top 37 Quotes by Robert Benchley

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.