Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Bacteria mineralized the rocks; they deposited the iron. They made the geology we see.

Some of my ancestors were religious dissenters who came to America over three hundred years ago. Others were abolitionists in New England in the eighteen forties and fifties.

I studied international relations and economics at the University of Virginia. I paid my way by working as a bartender in the summer and at three part-time jobs during the year.