Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

I used to have nightmares when I was a little kid that I woke up prematurely and opened all the Christmas presents. And then I would be so relieved when I woke up and I realized that I hadn't done it.

Well, I actually wrote her a letter a couple of days ago congratulating her. The tone I tried to convey in the letter is, look, you are a part of a great American historical process.

I studied international relations and economics at the University of Virginia. I paid my way by working as a bartender in the summer and at three part-time jobs during the year.