Top 35 Quotes by Paula Poundstone

When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.

Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.

President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.