Top 40 Quotes by Les Dawson

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

I know my name will always be linked with women.

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.