I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored. Les Dawson badcriticlong Change image and share on social
I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate. Les Dawson birthcertificateloophole Change image and share on social
You do something you're really quite proud of, and the public doesn't like it. Then you do something that perhaps you're not at all happy with and the public loves it. And that's the moment of truth, because it's the audience that's the final judge. Les Dawson audiencefinalhappy share on social
I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum. Les Dawson accostfacelump Change image and share on social
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. Les Dawson objectsextime Change image and share on social
Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up. Les Dawson couplefinishinstitution Change image and share on social
With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever. Les Dawson airbasicallybravado Change image and share on social
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.' Les Dawson doctorpillsleep Change image and share on social
The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week. Les Dawson daygoodprice Change image and share on social
Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.' Les Dawson angelbanjobeer share on social
