Top 30 Quotes by Jimmy Carr

I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it. The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.

It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much more in a group.

I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.

They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag then, Nanna.

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.

Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.