After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead. Jimmy Carr backcancelgig Change image and share on social
As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing. Jimmy Carr comedyfailureknow Change image and share on social
It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing. Jimmy Carr actionclearcomedian Change image and share on social
The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet. Jimmy Carr findfootjoin Change image and share on social
I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh. Jimmy Carr countrygagladder Change image and share on social
I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books. Jimmy Carr bookdayhour Change image and share on social
A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true. Jimmy Carr amountimplausiblejoke Change image and share on social
You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face. Jimmy Carr facegrumpyguy Change image and share on social
I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh. Jimmy Carr endorphinlaughmake Change image and share on social
I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way. Jimmy Carr achieveanimalisticback share on social
