It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. Jackie Mason findhealthylong Change image and share on social
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me. Jackie Mason audiencedifferencedinner Change image and share on social
If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck. Jackie Mason apologizeenglishmanrun Change image and share on social
My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies. Jackie Mason calculationcomedystudy Change image and share on social
I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs. Jackie Mason heartinstrumentlaugh Change image and share on social
I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what he's talking about. Jackie Mason artcomedygreat Change image and share on social
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one? Jackie Mason accountanthearkid Change image and share on social
I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to. Jackie Mason futurepeoplepredict Change image and share on social
It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life. Jackie Mason congressmanindustrylife Change image and share on social
