George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I'd date someone younger or older; age doesn't matter to me. Or looks, really - it's all about maturity.

It is hardly surprising that women concentrate on the way they look instead of what is in their minds since not much has been put in their minds to begin with.