Top 451 Funny Quotes

I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.

I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.

Jenny Eclair

My favorite app is 'StumbleUpon,' because it just gives you interesting things that are sometimes exactly the stuff I'm interested in and sometimes just silly and funny.

My favorite app is 'StumbleUpon,' because it just gives you interesting things that are sometimes exactly the stuff I'm interested in and sometimes just silly and funny.

Christine Quinn

I started by doing a little funny story, and then I started going to open mics. I realized I had a lot of work to do - you have to get over the stage fright and get your stage presence up. It took me some time, but I finally feel that I'm at a point where I feel comfortable on stage and giving my point of view.

Loni Love

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

Imelda Marcos

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

Henny Youngman

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'

Lewis Black

I was always telling everybody that I could be funny.

I was always telling everybody that I could be funny.

Sally Kellerman

I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go.

I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go.

Gertrude Stein

It's funny, in a way the actor is a writer. It's not like the two things are so separate as to be like apples and oranges. The writer and the actor are one.

It's funny, in a way the actor is a writer. It's not like the two things are so separate as to be like apples and oranges. The writer and the actor are one.

Sam Shepard

Flirting is funny. And it's awkward and weird.

Flirting is funny. And it's awkward and weird.

Hannah Simone

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