Top 451 Funny Quotes

There's this funny thing with pilots that you have to sign the contract to do the whole job before you're even offered the part. And they make about a million pilots a year, but hardly any of them get turned into series.

I don't hate humanity and I'm not interested in people who do. Although, it's funny, actually, some of my favorite writers really do. Like Martin Amis. My dirty secret. 'London Fields' is one of my favorite books ever. And it's indefensible! But he's so funny... I forgive him everything.

To be honest with you, the dramatic side is more fun to play because I don't get to do it as often as I get to do the comedy stuff. Most of my work in this business has been comedy, and that's sort of the way the cookie crumbles. I had not sought out to just be a comedic actor, but I think that's my default because I come from a funny family.

It's so funny, because when I was growing up in a small town in New Hampshire, I was obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio - from the 'Growing Pains'/'What's Eating Gilbert Grape' era, because he was superhot - and I carried a laminated photo of him in my wallet and said he was my boyfriend. But no one believed me.

Ignoring fame was my rebellion, in a funny way. I was insistent on being normal and doing normal things. It probably wasn't advisable to go to college in America and room with a complete stranger. And it probably wasn't wise to share a bathroom with eight other people in a coed dorm. Looking back, that was crazy.

Men, who certainly possess not only the savvy but also the know-how to be funny, for some reason, are just not. I began to notice this at a pretty young age, and unfortunately, a lifetime of living - and not a little bit of regret - hasn't done much to convince me otherwise.