Top 49 Quotes by Fred Allen

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.