Top 49 Quotes by Fred Allen

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.