Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories? Emo Philips childdayfactory Change image and share on social
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. Emo Philips handpeoplepower Change image and share on social
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. Emo Philips askcatchchildbirth Change image and share on social
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks. Emo Philips blankchildjump Change image and share on social
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips beatboxchess Change image and share on social
I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes. Emo Philips caressconsciousgirl Change image and share on social
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. Emo Philips disasterhelpsite Change image and share on social
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.' Emo Philips bigcornerface share on social
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. Emo Philips antidotechargecontain Change image and share on social
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him. Emo Philips alleywayduckgay Change image and share on social
