David Walliams

Reality always outstrips fiction. Whatever you make up, something more incredible always pops up in real life.

I was depressed as a child. I found it hard to make friends. My favourite thing was locking myself in the bathroom and practising comedy routines.

Definitely I love women, I love being around women, I find them incredible and intoxicating, and I've never had that feeling I get with women with a man.

I'm not confident with the ladies. I can't just ask someone out in a club. I'd like to say I'm a gentleman.

And when I retired, trust me, not only did Nolan Ryan, but the entire Ryan family had withdrawals from baseball. And it was tough.

Humility is not a trait I often associate with America.