Top 59 Quotes by David Sedaris

People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.

I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.

I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.

I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.

I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.

I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.