Top 44 Quotes by David Letterman

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.