Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed. David Letterman backbeddaylight Change image and share on social
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind? David Letterman bushguyhell Change image and share on social
Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. David Letterman badlychangedemocratic Change image and share on social
The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral. David Letterman alivebigconfuse Change image and share on social
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. David Letterman bushpresidentpronounce Change image and share on social
I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves. David Letterman bringfindgood Change image and share on social
The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts. David Letterman accidentallycartchange share on social
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag. David Letterman demandevidenceflag share on social
No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney. David Letterman alivecheneydick Change image and share on social
I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American. David Letterman absolutelyamericandemocrat Change image and share on social