Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see them, and I want to hold them down, cuddle them, be like, 'Come here, you little nugget. Who's your mommy now?' So cute! Chelsea Handler cuddlecutehold share on social
Personally, I'd have a baby just for the epidural. Chelsea Handler babyepiduralpersonally Change image and share on social
Men are always like, 'You're so intimidating.' I don't find myself to be. But whatever - I'm not going to try to be less intimidating. It's just a matter of finding a guy who's able to deal with it. Chelsea Handler dealfindguy Change image and share on social
I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared. Chelsea Handler bullydaydeserve Change image and share on social
Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?' Chelsea Handler anistonburdenfriend Change image and share on social
I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows. Chelsea Handler heavylovemagazine Change image and share on social
Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet. Chelsea Handler authorbetcountry Change image and share on social
I didn't become a comedian to work this hard. Chelsea Handler comedianhardwork Change image and share on social
The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job. Chelsea Handler badbigcable Change image and share on social
My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definitely. Chelsea Handler deprecateobservationalstandup Change image and share on social
