My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo. Billy Connolly departmentparentpet Change image and share on social
I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do. Billy Connolly angelgodpeople Change image and share on social
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. Billy Connolly definitionintellectuallisten Change image and share on social
Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time. Billy Connolly actcowardicedark Change image and share on social
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head? Billy Connolly drinkemptyhead Change image and share on social
I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything. Billy Connolly amazeartbig share on social
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter. Billy Connolly junescotlandseason Change image and share on social
I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There's an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it's a different venue. Billy Connolly circuitclubconcert share on social
It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things. Billy Connolly christianitygodislam Change image and share on social
I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended. Billy Connolly audienceauditoriumdifference share on social
