Billy Connolly

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

Life is too short to spend hoping that the perfectly arched eyebrow or hottest new lip shade will mask an ugly heart.

I always dreamed of writing in an orchestral context. But when you finish a piece, you want to hear it. So we played everything with Phish.

Most detective story readers are an educated audience and know there are only a certain number of plots. The interest lies in what the writer does with them.