I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor. Tim Vine datemetaphorsimile Change image and share on social
I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy. Tim Vine bitechoppyday Change image and share on social
With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke. Tim Vine condenseconfidencehear Change image and share on social
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.' Tim Vine homephonepick Change image and share on social
If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac. Tim Vine callcompulsivelyparonomasiac Change image and share on social
As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing. Tim Vine accesschildlikecomic Change image and share on social
People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway. Tim Vine childhoodcomicconscious share on social
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red. Tim Vine chineseduckred Change image and share on social
